Heavy in Your Arms Chapter18:To stand in the rain
by laurah1236
Summary: Blake needs an answer from Alessandra as to what "us" is for them. If there even is an "us", Alessandra has to figure it out for Blake's sake.


"Slow down!, my legs aren't 3 feet long like yours!" I yelled out at Blake sprinting almost 20 feet ahead of me.

He turned around and ran towards me so straight on I stopped my jog and caught my breath before what I thought he was going to do, tackle me. Instead he picked me up like a rag doll and tossed me over his shoulder while I made a wierd scream laughing sound pleading him to put me down inbetween my laughs, untill he finally did. He lay me down in a small grass area next to the path were we were running before.

I could barely hear his voice saying, "you're laugh's perfect", with my panting from being so out of breath. I turned around from laying on my back and looked towards him just to catch him drop his eyes to the grass. I grabbed his hand in thank you, in thank you for letting me feel the least bit alive again. Even if it was limited to being with him, it gave me something to look forward to, to look forward in seeing the smirk he made when something I said was obvious, or the biting of his lips when he's nervous, but most importantly the feeling he gave me, not that everything _is_ okay- but that someday it will be.

"So...I was thinking, lets make this official" said Blake sitting upright as I was doing the same.

"What do you mean?" I said letting go of his hand in response to the serious aura I could feel now surrounding us. I didn't like the seriousness of the topic, it made me nervous in an unexplicable way.

"Us" he said putting his hand around my hip pulling me closer onto him. I could feel the goosebumps go down my arms at his simplest touch. But better yet I could feel my entire being get nervous at the though of "us" whatever "us" was and what that entailed.

"You don't want it to be serious do you?..." He said probably reading my emotionless face.

I looked up at him wishing he could understand that wasn't true, wishing he could read my mind, because I could never explain myself right.

He gave me a few minutes to answer, and those minutes droned on and on as did his hope. He then began to slowly unwrapped his hand from my waist and pulled away before getting up from where he was sitting and walking forward towards the running path.

I could feel my heart beat quicker, and my mind try to find words to say, to explain, to assure him...but I coudn't. But one thing was certain even if I couldn't find the right words to say I would say them. Most of the time it just made me end up in a worse situation because I wouldn't mean what I'd say. But I meant it when I said I didn't want to lose Blake and I would do anything to let him know that.

"Blake - please...It's not like that" I said getting up from the grass and following him.

"Then what is it like? Please tell me what it's like. Because one moment we're just friends, the next you're telling me to leave you alone because you're undeserving, then we're kissing and I feel like we're together just to have you tell me indifferently. Which is it? I need to know, to get myself together." Blake replys turning around facing me, his eyes going from confused to sympathetic, to upset.

"I don't know what it's like Blake, okay? I have no idea what I'm doing right now" I said grabbing his hands as he lets them fall and only to make things worse it starts to rain out of nowhere. But to stand in this rain didn't stop me from trying, trying for once to not make this about myself make it about him. And let him know I need him.

"Blake I don't know what us is, because I'm scared to define it. I feel like everything I touch turns to into a burden and I don't want you to become another. Yes I thought of us only as friends untill last week, but now I can't think of us as anything but more then that, but at the same time, I don't want to hurt you, I know how hard I can be to deal with. All I have to offer is myself and it's just not good enough...but just for the record this is me, here, standing in front of you in the pouring rain telling you I not only _need_ you but _want_ you." I tell him staring at him as clearly as I could through the pouring rain. And as bad of timing as the rain had I couldn't have been more thankful for it, as it disguised my very real tears.

I had a feeling Blake could tell as he pulled me in and hugged me. We stood there hugging in the rain until he let me go and as I began walking he pulled me back in and kissed me once, softly but surely, that was all I needed before he said "We don't have to define it, we'll just be" then he kissed me again.


End file.
